


The Thrilling Avenger Hour: A Party to Heroism

by stefwith1f



Series: The Thrilling Avenger Hour [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Thrilling Adventure Hour
Genre: Beyond Belief, Crossover, Gen, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 09:49:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stefwith1f/pseuds/stefwith1f
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The WorkJuice Corporation and Patriot Brand Cigarettes are proud to present the following tales of worlds colliding. This special limited series is presented in four parts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Thrilling Avenger Hour: A Party to Heroism

**Author's Note:**

  * For [slodwick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/slodwick/gifts).



> Because you asked so nicely. Happy birthday, Slod.

  
HAL  
[SPOOKY, NORMAL, WHATEVER - IT'S A REGULAR 'HAL'S CHOICE' UP IN HERE]  
  
The WorkJuice Corporation and Patriot Brand Cigarettes are proud to present the following tales of worlds colliding. This special limited series is presented in four parts.  
  
In our first installment, we find ourselves in a familiar penthouse, high above the streets of Manhattan, where old friends and and new have ... assembled ...

  


FRANK  
 You know I adore you, Sadie, but I wish you wouldn't drag me to these parties. The strangers, the forced small talk, the having to leave my home-

SADIE  
Frank, darling, you _are_ home. This is _our_ party, and it's only full of strangers because you have as yet refused to make even the smallest of talks.

FRANK  
 _Hello, welcome to my home. I hope you're enjoying yourself, drinking my liquor and keeping me from spending time with my wonderful wife._

SADIE  
So far I've spent my whole evening trying to coax _you_ from this corner.

FRANK  
Well, good. You know how I feel about sharing you.

SADIE  
The same way I do with you: only with previously agreed-upon parties under previously agreed-upon conditions.

FRANK  
Precisely so. And what about the liquor?

SADIE  
  _They're_ drinking the _guest_ liquor, Frank, who _do_ you think you married?

FRANK  
You're right.  
I'm sorry I doubted you.  
What do you say we get out of this corner and join the party proper? May I escort you to the bar?

SADIE  
That bar in that corner over there?

FRANK  
The very same!

[LOW MUSIC, CLINKING CLINK-WARE, ASSORTED PARTY NOISES]

BARTENDER  
What can I get you?

SADIE  
Two glasses, please. Filled with liquor, if you could be a lamb.

BARTENDER  
  Any ... particular kind?

FRANK  
 Whatever's closest to your hand.

SADIE  
 Surprise us!

PHIL COULSON  
I'm impressed with your commitment.

FRANK  
Sadie, look sharp-

SADIE  
I always do.

FRANK  
-I'm about to engage in idle chatter with this man.

SADIE  
 Well, he was kind enough to prompt you with an incredibly vague utterance.

FRANK  
Here goes. Deploying clarifying question: our _commitment,_ you say?

COULSON  
Yes, to ... you know what, it was so long ago, I don't remember. Surprises? Tall glasses of unspecified brown liquor?

SADIE  
Oh! Both!

FRANK  
Well, it was nice talking to you.

COULSON  
You're neither of you great at the small talk, and yet - I'm still charmed. What's that about?

SADIE  
We do have that effect on people.

FRANK  
Sometimes it's people.

COULSON  
Phil Coulson. Person.

FRANK  
Frank Doyle, and this is my enchanting wife Sadie.

COULSON  
 The Doyles. Of course.

SADIE  
Welcome to our home, Mr. Coulson. And ... how do we know you?

COULSON  
You just ... I introduced myself a minute ago -

FRANK  
She means why did we invite you?

COULSON  
I'm sorry, I misunderstood. You didn't invite me. My boss was going to attend. He got hung up doing a thing in Detroit. Couldn't make it.

SADIE  
And your boss ...

COULSON  
You may not know him either. He was actually going to attend as someone else's guest-

TONY STARK  
As my guest, hi. Hello. Tony Stark.

FRANK  
 Sadie, do we _know_ a Tony Stark?

TONY  
We haven't met, which is a damn shame. You two cut a fine figure, couple-wise.  
It's just if there's a party in a penthouse in a major American city, it's entirely reasonable that I would be on the guest list.

COULSON  
He means he's rich.  
  
TONY  
 Also famous. You might be more familiar with me as Iron Man.

FRANK   
 Sadie, do we _know_ an Iron Man?

SADIE  
Oh, Frank - you remember hearing about him. All that kerfuffle downtown, last year.

COULSON  
You saw that, huh?

SADIE  
Noooo. Heavens, no. But the boy who brings us our liquor, he told us all about it!

FRANK  
That's right! Sounded like _quite_ an affair.

TONY  
It went down blocks, literal blocks from here. You're telling me aliens invaded and you didn't notice?

SADIE  
We _have_ curtains, Mr. Stark.

FRANK  
And a deep desire to avoid paying attention to anything outside them.

SADIE  
We also have liquor.

FRANK  
And each other.

[CLINK]

COULSON  
 Tony, these are the Doyles. You remember about the Doyles?

TONY  
Ah. Did you give them the spiel?

COULSON  
Haven't gotten to it.

TONY  
You should. I like 'em.  
They should meet Steve.

FRANK  
Steve?

TONY  
Hey, Steve!  
Steve's my guest. You’re going to love him.

SADIE  
Mr. Coulson, I thought _you_ were Mr. Stark's guest.

COULSON  
Please, call me Phil.

TONY  
Director Fury was going to come, but there was a Detroit thing.

SADIE  
"Director"?

TONY  
So I brought Phil. Not really as my guest, though.

FRANK  
Sadie, did we invite _anyone_ to this party _on purpose_?

STEVE  
Hello, everyone.

TONY  
Frank and Sadie Doyle, this is Steve Rogers.

STEVE  
Sir. Ma'am. You have a lovely home.

SADIE  
Well. Aren’t _you_ just a tall glass of whatever it is they serve Marines.

STEVE  
 I was Army, ma'am.

SADIE  
Pardon?

STEVE  
 Do they not-  
  
TONY  
 Never heard of us.

STEVE  
Impressive. And strangely refreshing.  
Agent Coulson, you give them the song and dance yet?

COULSON  
Not just yet.

SADIE  
"Agent"?

STEVE  
Whatever this guy tells you - hear him out. We'd love to have you.

FRANK  
Sadie, do you know what I love most about our new friends?

SADIE  
Is it how confusing they are?

FRANK  
It _is_!

SADIE  
Well. Enjoy the party. It really was lovely to meet you all.

COULSON  
We're actually only here to talk to you. Both of you. We have a proposition...

FRANK  
Flattered.

SADIE  
Interested.

FRANK  
 We do have some conditions to be agreed-upon...

STEVE  
Oh.

COULSON  
No.

TONY  
 Well...

STEVE  
  _No._

COULSON  
We are part of an organization that takes care of issues that arise for which ... traditional law enforcement is unprepared.

TONY  
The aforementioned aliens.

STEVE  
Monsters. Cursed artifacts. Sometimes there are gods.

TONY  
But we have one of those, too, so it's ok. Also, and this is clutch, we have other superheroes.

COULSON  
We know you have some experience in areas of the ... inexplicable.  
We'd like to have you come in, from time to time. As consultants.

FRANK  
So, if there's something your god friend, or your metal suit man, or whoever this tall  broad-shouldered muscle guy is when he's not being "Steve"-

STEVE   
 Captain America, Sir.

FRANK  
Fine. Sure. Captain Am- oh! Now, you ... I _have_ heard of you.

COULSON  
I know, right?

SADIE  
Darling, you were saying … something the superheroes can't handle.

FRANK  
Right. Then it's somehow: Frank and Sadie save the day?

SADIE  
 Oh, but I love Frank and Sadie save the day!

COULSON  
 We believe you could be valuable assets.

FRANK  
I can't imagine a single situation in which we, or even _others_ from, let's say, one or two different genres, would be able to help.

COULSON  
You don't have to imagine. We've prepared scenarios for your review.

SADIE  
How kind of you! So kind and ... not at all suggesting the _worst_ party game I've _ever_ heard.

FRANK   
 Look, we'd love to pretend to be interested in your presentation, but we _are_ hosting a party. We have guests.

TONY  
Do you, now?

STEVE  
 With all due respect, Mr. Doyle, we are literally the only people in this apartment.

FRANK  
(after a beat)  
Sadie love, a quick question: do you remember deciding to throw a party?

SADIE  
Not as such, no.

FRANK  
Follow-up question: why did we not find it strange when a sparsely-attended party just suddenly _happened_ in our apartment?

SADIE  
Well, I'm not sure. We came out of the other room, and there was a party, so I thought ... oh, how lovely. We're having a _party_!

COULSON  
And if I may just say: I _have_ had a wonderful time.

SADIE  
 Goodness, Frank, they're right: it's just us! Oh wait, no! The BARTENDER!

COULSON  
 He's ours.

BARTENDER  
Clint Barton. Hawkeye.

SADIE  
Ooh, another one!

FRANK  
Ugh. Another one.

COULSON  
Why don't we all have a seat?

Agent Barton, if you could refill their glasses.

[DRINKS POURING NOISES]

FRANK  
You know, I'm starting to come around on you, Hawkguy.

CLINT  
It's Hawk- it's not important.

COULSON  
Let's begin.

* * *

**Stay tuned for the NEXT installment of the THRILLING AVENGER HOUR ...  
“A Fistful of Arrows”**  



End file.
